He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
