she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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