left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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