I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
