If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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