I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
