remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
