I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
