I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
