just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well I just put wine in my tea
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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