I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
