There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
