I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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