Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
