This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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