Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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