i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
