i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
