I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
