idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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