People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
