Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
