ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
