My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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