I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
