somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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