I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
