also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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