FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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