The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
