My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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