Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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