I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
