It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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