Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the gays at disneyland are vicious
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
