if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
