I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
