Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
