Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
