i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
3pm strippers are depressing
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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