so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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