Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
