Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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