Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize