so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
