you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
