Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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