So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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