Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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