He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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