The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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