I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
