Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
this will be a night to untag.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
