thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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