my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
