New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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