She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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