Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
