fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They should really pass out barf bags in church
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
