she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
