My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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