so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
