I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
