Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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