Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
