You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
