im drinking this country out of the recession.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this beer tastes like vomit already
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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