I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
