U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
