so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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