The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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