Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
