yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
