I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
