You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
babies were throwing up all over the place
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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