I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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