3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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