well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
