god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
