I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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