Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize