Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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