I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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