you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So. Much. Porn.
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