The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
