my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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