Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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