Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
