just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
