I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
