those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize