I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
