I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
