she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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