I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
