My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize