So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
