You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
