I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
