just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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