so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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