Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
