I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
