fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
