The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
