I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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