That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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