Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
