He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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