yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
