I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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