im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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