i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
