I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just had sex on a roof
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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