Nicole vs. Life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
