My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
