I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
