You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
