First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Holy sore nipples Batman
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize